Find the Psyche of Me
by Ififall
Summary: Miguel is more than ready to learn from Dexter, but will Dexter be willing to share himself?
1. Ask nicely

Dexter was in denial. It was so unlike him. Everyday he was forced to live out reality, but now Miguel was in the picture, he'd changed everything. Telling him that he'd sussed him out stunning Dexter into silence. Dexter knew he'd given the game away. Dexter's secret was his world, the dark passenger had already forced himself in, there wasn't room for anyone else, was there? Over the next few weeks it came apparent that Miguel wasn't going to say anything. Cornering Dexter in the lab one evening Miguel began to put his plan into action, but Dexter still had his guard up.

"I can't believe you stay this late" Miguel said.

"You shouldn't be here" Dexter told him.

"Neither should you, we're both rule breakers" Miguel gave Dexter a cheesy grin and Dexter nodded playing along, but waiting. Miguel knew that Dexter was waiting for reassurance and was more than willing to give it to him, even though he had a gorgeous wife at home.

"Dexter I'm not hear to judge you" Miguel began.

"Judging is all that humans do"

"What do you do?" Miguel asked.

"Nothing that would interest you"

"But you do interest me Dexter, more than you could possibly imagine"

"Why?" Dexter asked, surprised at himself. He didn't want to seem curious, nothing ever aroused his curiousity, not even Rita, because she saw the act that Dexter performed everyday and never saw the facade. But Miguel appeared to be different. He saw the monster behind the mask and was here wanting answers. Dexter saw the longing in Miguel's eyes and felt nervous, but also flattered. Dexter knew that the dark passenger wouldn't be pleased. It worked alone, no ties, no complications. But Dexter pushed down those thoughts. Problems shared could be bodies halved and quartered. Miguel could sense Dexter wavering because of that one word and decided to milk it for all it was worth.

"Do I really have to tell you? You're special and not just because of your side job" Miguel crept closer to Dexter, taking advantage of how distant Dexter was trying to make himself.

"The mystique, the hidden depths you go to, it's appealing" Miguel gently pulled Dexter's arm, but Dexter pulled away, surprise that Miguel would even want to do that. The dark passenger was supposed to be the one creeping underneath stranger's flesh, not the other way round.

"Don't touch me" Dexter told him.

"Why not? Dexter you're cold"

"That's nothing new" Miguel knew with a little bit of gentle prodding Dexter would open the door into his secret activities. If they worked together, It could give them a sense of power and responsibility in everyway imaginable and Dexter didn't want to deny himself that and Miguel could feel it. "Don't be scared"

"You have to leave" Dexter said.

"I'm not leaving you, not now, not when we have this...Dexter get on the floor" Migel asked. Dexter stared at him.

"What?"

"Resistance is futile Dexter, by the time I'm done, you'll have no regrets" Said Miguel. "Now please, lie on the floor...for me"


	2. Finders Creepers

Dexter looked at him. Was the dark passenger taking a break? Or even worse, was it asleep? The dark passenger didn't challenge Miguel, and Dexter, despite putting barriers up was too tired to challenge him either. Dexter laid on the floor, feeling a little stupid and hoped the payoff would be worth it. Miguel nodded in satisfaction and knelt beside him, taking his jacket off. He quickly undid one of Dexter's buttons and Dexter grabbed his arm through fear.

"Dexter, let go" Said Miguel.

"What are you going to do?" Dexter asked.

"Nothing bad" Miguel shook him off and Dexter flinched as Miguel carried on and peeled back his shirt. Dexter squinted up at the ceiling. He was always uncomfortable with this kind of thing even with Rita. He could cope with the physical bareness of his victims, he could even feel their embarrassment after their deaths. But his own he couldn't really handle, unless it was dark so Rita couldn't really see him. In this case however, the light in the room betrayed him and he felt a little cheap as Miguel's eyes almost burnt through his skin.

"See? That's not so bad is it? Stay still" Miguel bent down and turned his head sideways listening for Dexter's heartbeat and stopped when he found it. His head hovering dangerous close to Dexter's chest. Dexter didn't even want to breathe at this moment. He didn't want their skin to touch or for Miguel to feel victorious he had no right to be. Miguel was breathing through his nose, but delibrately breathed through his mouth so that Dexter could feel his breath. Knowing that Dexter couldn't take much more of this, Miguel leaned off him but put his hand against his rib cage and tapped it twice, as if he was giving signals to a taxi driver. But Dexter knew he was giving him signals, of what he wasn't sure.

"I'm done Dexter, time to get up" Dexter lay still for a while, but told himself to snap out of it. Was Miguel playing some kind of game? Treating him like a dog to prove he could? Did Miguel want to be Dexter's master? Dexter pulled his shirt together and sat up while Miguel got his jacket.

"Leaving so soon?" Dexter joked flatly as he stood up.

"Not without you" Miguel said quietly. Dexter figured Miguel was being fake. But the problem was, he was damn good at it, and Dexter was annoyed at himself for staring to become taken in. The dark passenger was quiet, there were no negative screams of self doubt in Dexter's head. Dexter was on his own now mentally, but physically he could still feel Miguel's eyes on him.

"What do you want to know?" Dexter asked.

"You"

"What was the purpose of what just happened?" Dexter asked Miguel as he stood up fully.

"You don't class yourself as human, I needed proof that you are"

"You could have just felt my pulse"

"I'll do that next time" Dexter stared at him. "Just kidding" Dexter went back to putting the papers in the drawer and pushed his chair in. They both left the office and Dexter enjoyed the silence as they walked down the empty corridor. But Miguel planned on breaking the silence to try to get through to Dexter.

"Want a ride home?" Miguel asked.

"I have my own transport"

"Right, so umm, when you've got some free time...ya wanna go out for a drink sometime?"

"I don't do play-dates" Dexter said, thinking he was being patronising.

"But you'll play doctors with your shirt off?" Miguel shot back.

"Not funny" They were outside and walking towards the parking lot and Miguel knew this was his last chance to reel Dexter in. Dexter wasn't looking for sympathy or rewards, but Miguel sensed that he wanted understanding, Miguel knew that he could provide him with more, he just had to make Dexter see that. Dexter rubbed his hands together even though it was quite a hot night. He hated to admit this to himself but he was waiting. Waiting to see if Miguel would put himself out there, pull out the stops to accquire his company.

"There's no harm in two guys going out for a drink, that's what friends do"

"Who said we're friends" Dexter said immediately. The word "friend" like a foreign word he was forced to say.

"But admit it, you want to be" Miguel said, Dexter turned away from him and went home, forcing the thoughts of tonight out of his head. He opened the door to find Rita watching TV peacefully. Trust Rita to bring the calm. He was glad he'd chosen her, well, sometimes.

"Hey you" Rita said. "I waited up"

"Why?"

"I haven't seen you all day" Rita answered.

"That's sweet" Said Dexter, even though he hated saying the word "sweet" It was so vile and condescending. The word "Bitter" had such a better ring to it. Less than an hour later they were in bed, Rita cuddling up against Dexter, Dexter pleased that if Harry was watching him from wherever he maybe, he and Rita would look like a typical couple. Rita laid against Dexter's chest and that made him start to think of Miguel. He ought to at least find out what game plan Miguel had in mind, and that would mean spending more time with him. Dexter began to get irritated as Rita started to lift his T-shirt up. Why were people so insistent on getting his clothes off tonight?

"Rita, I'm tired" Said Dexter, looking for an excuse to stray away from physicality.

"You don't have to do anything...I promise" She smiled at him and Dexter faked one back. He didn't really like it when Rita became all seductive. She lost the charm of her innocence and it made her sound like a good time girl. He relaxed on the bed and tried not to tense up as Rita started kissing his chest. He turned his head away and smiled a little. If Miguel had pulled that trick on him, the dark passenger would have really freaked out. There was no harm in one drink. If everything went well he'd being enjoying himself while doing a little detective work of his own. After Rita finished her touch tournament Dexter slowly rolled away from her.

He'd have to mutli-task on this occasion see what Miguel really thought of him and figure out if he was being genuine or just pompous. He decided to talk to Miguel tomorrow to set something up. It was an ideal way of killing two birds with one stone-hopefully not literally.


	3. What's hot and who's not

Dexter's eyes smiled instead of his mouth, he always liked the day when he had to use a new toothbrush. He'd always wear the other one out until the bristles were nearly gone, and even for a couple more days he would still use it as a kind of punishment. He put the plastic wrapper is his pocket and stroked the bristles. The dark passenger didn't like waiting though. It wanted normality and it got it today. Dexter slowly put the toothpaste on thickly, but nearly got some on the floor when someone tried to open the door.

"Yes?" Dexter said, with gritted teeth.

"I wanna use the bathroom" Said Astor. Rita came up behind her. "Honey, wait until Dexter's finished, it's ok Dexter take your time" He heard them walk away but Dexter knew he'd have to make this quick, he didn't want to get on Astor's nerves. Homework maybe forgotten or a dance shoe, but kids never forget the exact date and time of when you pissed them off. Dexter put the toothbrush in his mouth and brushed harshly. He didn't want to admit it but he wanted to make a good impression.

He'd met Miguel at work, then at lunch and sealed the deal. He didn't want to feel pleased about it, but part of him did. He felt like the computer geek who'd asked a cheerleader out, only for her to say she'd think about it. But with Miguel that was not the case. He'd only ate half of his lunch today at work and nibbled on a cereal bar when he got home. He couldn't believe he was doing this just in case Miguel wanted to eat. The dark passenger was grumbling about that, but because it was starving, and Dexter had managed to drown it out, along with the hunger pangs. He walked out the bathroom and Astor came out of her room and slipped past him in silence. Dexter looked at the closed door. He really had to time himself next time.

He went downstairs and told Rita that he was going to meet some pals to catch up. Miguel was a stranger and he didn't really want to introduce him verbally into Rita's life, it wasn't fair on her. "Ok, try not to have too much fun without me" Rita said pulling herself up from the sofa. "Wanna goodbye kiss?" She asked as she walked over. "Can't just had an onion ring" Dexter lied, as he tapped his pocket, making the plastic wrapper from his toothbrush rustle. As cute as she was this really wasn't about her tonight. Dexter gave her the most charming smile as Rita wrinkled her nose and sat back down. Dexter arrived at the bar early. It was Miguel's choice for two reasons: 1. with Miguel in his natural habitat he was likely to be more open. 2. Dexter never bar-hopped and didn't have a favourite bar. He got a lemonade but asked for it in a small glass, so it looked like he could be drinking alcohol. Miguel walked in and said a big hello to bar staff and playfully joked with the waiters. Dexter assumed it was fake, well, he kinda hoped it was. Miguel walked over to him with his drink, sat down and leaned back.

"How are you, Dexter?" Miguel asked.

"Fine, you?"

"Good, though I thought you'd want to go somewhere a little more private" Dexter looked around. They weren't many people, but some of them glanced at him at different times all within the space of two minutes. Dexter looked down and wondered if he had any toothpaste on his shirt. "This place is kinda empty" Dexter told him.

"Yeah, just how I like it" Miguel added. "So how long have been an entrepreneur?"

"Code language, didn't see that coming" Said Dexter, knowing he'd probably made him feel a little inferior, but Miguel started it. He wasn't the one that had to lie on the floor while a stranger tactiley found his vital signs. "I guess you could call me a child prodigy" Said Dexter, pleased that Miguel seemed to be a little shocked that little Dexter was looking for dead insects to bury in the sandpit. Miguel in truth wasn't that surprised, he been around enough killers to know that behaviors were shown or in this case buried, early on.

"Who's your client base?" Miguel asked.

"The best of the worst" Dexter added. "Do you want another drink?" Miguel asked. Dexter nodded, watched Miguel leave and tilted his head up and sratched the base of his neck and looked up absent mindedly to see a guy looking at the side of his face. Dexter put his other elbow on the table and felt his jawline with his thumb. He had a little stubble that guy had a full beard. The guys he was sitting with did too. Did the guy have something against a shaved look? did he think guys that shaved were sissy's or something? Dexter told himself to stop thinking garbage and looked at Miguel coming back and quietly thanked him for the drink. Dexter took a sip of immediately realised it was alcohol.

He pushed it forward and Miguel smiled. "Don't be a stick in the mud man, it's your first real drink of the day" Dexter clenched his jaw and put his hands around the glass, but before Miguel began to silently pressurise him, a pretty brunette walked into the bar. The men turned to glance at her, she was the only woman in the bar, well the only good looking one anyway. Dexter turned to see what Miguel was looking at. The pale fabric of her dress highlighted the bronzeness of her skin. Miguel noticed Dexter turning round to face him, his face still unreadable. "Not your type huh?" Said Miguel.

"But she's definately yours, I can't focus on looks" Dexter told him, that was kinda of true. Dexter didn't really have a particular type. For harry's sake he picked girls that blended into the crowd, so rock goddesses and drama queens were off limits. Miguel was completely different though and he only had to look at his sexy wife to be reminded of that. "That's rich coming from you" Miguel said to Dexter. "What is?" Dexter asked.

"You don't focus on looks yet your dating hot property like Rita?"

"Umm, she is...hot" Dexter said knowing that part of him meant it. It was strange Dexter was so real at being fake, that when he was being honest, it sounded like he was a bad stage actor, confused by his script. Rita was a good looking girl, so why couldn't he say it like he believed it? Dexter watched Miguel finish his drink. Miguel decided they better call it a night and Dexter watched Miguel shake hands with the staff and Dexter nodded at them, not really getting much of a response. They walked outside and before Dexter walked to his car. Miguel handed him a piece of paper. "It's my cell, you'll need it" Dexter was suprised by his confidence. The dark passenger was too, Dexter was almost pleased that the dark passenger was reacting to something, it proved it wasn't just Dexter's paranoia. Miguel got into his car and leaned back roughly into the seat. His tactic hadn't worked. He had purposely taken Dexter to a Puerto rican hang out, where they didn't look too kindly on outsiders and Dexter, didn't crumble, hell, he didn't even seem to notice. Any other guy would have suggested they go somewhere else, or have one drink and leave unable to cope with the stares. Miguel went home a little confused but was gonna wait for Dexter's call of thanks.

Dexter got home to find the sofa empty, realised Rita and the kids were in bed and thanked God. He watched TV while taking out Miguel's paper present and looked at it. You can find out a lot by someone's handwriting, but unfortunately Dexter just specialised in blood splatter and not bullshit, but hoping he was getting better at detecting the latter. Staring at the TV screen he turned over onto a trashy talk show. Was Miguel that stupid? He thought. More importantly, did Miguel think Dexter was that stupid? Taking him to an old fashioned culture closed watering hole, that was as dead as Dexter's first? There was no way that that place was Miguel's favourite club. His parent's favourite place maybe. Miguel was so extroverted that his favourite place had to give him constant attention, one that was bursting with life. It was a shame that Miguel couldn't share that with someone that walked hand in hand with death but either way, Miguel needed to lighten up.

The reason that Dexter didn't clock why he was getting stared at until later was simple. The dark passenger could not afford to discriminate. If it did, murderers would be running free due to all sorts of personal codes. It didn't matter to the dark passenger if they were a magazine model with Aryan good looks and an annual income as large as LaGuerta's ego. But if they murdered their competition, or literally ran away from a lethal hit and run, the dark passenger would seek them. Dexter noted that Miguel's onlookers may not have just disliked him on looks alone. They were probably curious about him too. Maybe Miguel let something slip, said something to make them feel unsettled or patronising. Was that woman in there a ploy too? Miguel showing Dexter what he could never have? A device to bring up Rita as a subject? Dexter got out his phone and typed in Miguel's apparent number.

"Dexter, calling this late" Miguel said with a imaginary hopeful tone.

"I guess"

"Well I hope you enjoyed tonight, you don't have to thank me"

"I'm not, but thanks for today" Said Dexter knowing that would confuse Miguel to no end.

"Dexter I don't get it"

"But I do, thanks for the isolation intimidation, classic, but very, very old"

"You just can't admit it got under your skin, male pride"

"That "hot" brunette a spectator too?"

"That was just luck" Miguel told him and Dexter didn't know what to believe.

"I doubt that" Said Dexter.

"Dexter, you didn't really give me anything, today, I need something real, not just words, actions, your choices do you understand?"

"Seems like I'm gonna have to, tonight Mr Prado I've realised you're officially an amuteur" Dexter said, as he ended the conversation and when to bed, while Miguel cursed as he threw his phone on the sofa. "Dammit" He whispered. Dexter wasn't as gullible as he thought. Luckily Dexter was prepared to show him evidence of his deeds and once Miguel saw Dexter's damage, he was sure he'd be able to get his leverage back.


	4. Spark of Light Tonight

They had puropsely avoided each other, Miguel out of embarrassment, Dexter out of suspiciousness. Miguel was getting impatient. It looked like their paths refused to cross, until Dexter decided to take the bull by the double crossing horns and called Miguel one night to tell him he had found the one. They met each other in Dexter's office and Miguel hovered at the back of Dexter's chair his breath tickling Dexter's collar.

"You can sit down down, if you want" Said Dexter.

"No I'll stand" Said Miguel. Dexter knew he was deliberately being disobedient but let it go. He clicked on the computer database and let Miguel see their intended victim. Miguel grabbed a chair and sat next to him. Dexter stayed silent so Miguel would appear like the needy one. Miguel shrugged his shoulders and looked at Dexter until the silence was deafening and he began the tirade.

"So? Who is he? Is he worthy?"

"Very, Jake Mason was accused of statutory rape, but the case was thrown out, when she...disappeared" Miguel scanned the screen. "She apparently was going to drop the charges" Miguel said.

"That's until she found out he was poisoning his colleagues in school against her. Did I mention he's her teaching assistant?" Said Dexter.

"No shit" Said Miguel.

"Yes, shit" Dexter replied.

"He covered all his bases"

"Day by day, making her look mentally incompetent, grooming potential witnessess" Said Dexter.

"Well, you've found him now"

"We" Said Dexter. Miguel smiled at him and nodded and Miguel wrote down Mason's address and they headed off in the car to meet him, freshly alive. Dexter had a picture of a girl from a magazine cover and gave it to Miguel. Miguel walked out with it and knocked on Jake's door. He opened it with a creak. Miguel was actually a little disappointed. This guy was quite short and podgy around the middle with broad shoulders. He expected a challenge, but put the photo up anyway as a lure. Miguel saw his face light up, and knew they had the right guy.

"I'm sorry to bother you, have you seen my niece, she lives around here?" Said Miguel.

"No siree, I'd remember her" Said Jake.

"Well thanks" Miguel walked away, but Mason couldn't resist it. His niece was cute with an innocent little smile that made her a challenge. Mason walked out and saw Miguel in the car and didn't notice Dexter creep round the other side.

"Scuse me Sir, I think I may have..." Dexter put Jake in a headlock and could feel Jake jerk forward as as the syringe went in and he slowly stopped struggling. Miguel helped put him into the boot and they drove to Mason's final destination. It was a derelict building, but when Jake woke up on the large wooden table he instantly recongised it.

"The meaning behind the wreckage...this is one of your schools" Said Dexter.

"Used to be" Mason said. What was weird was the fact that Jake wasn't freaked out at the fact that he was tied to table with plastic, nude in front of two strangers but the fact that Miguel had lied to him. His eyes widened in shock and he looked at Miguel in disgust.

"You ain't got a niece, have you?" He said to Miguel with disappointment. Miguel put his apron on and Dexter began the mental questionnaire. "Li P" full name Lisa Porter, form any dead ringers? Jake looked at him and rolled his eyes.

"She gave me signals" Jake said.

"There's no green light to sleep with a child" Said Miguel.

"She was almost legal" Jake explained.

"In 9 months, honour roll student, till you deceitfully dumbed her down" Dexter said.

"Shame you didn't wait" Said Miguel. Dexter looked at him and realised he still had some learning to do. Waiting wasn't the issue here.

"What could I do? She was gonna put me away" Jake said.

"That would have been better than this" Miguel added.

"Lisa was your student, you were meant to do your job" Said Dexter.

"Believe me, I did" Mason said with a grin that ticked both of the off at the same time. Dexter gave the nod and Miguel dimmed the lights. "Now so will we" Said Miguel. Jake began to get worried, but he could scream as loud as he wanted. There was no teacher to safeguard him here. Dexter put the knife on the other side of the table but Miguel refused to be passed it. He wanted Dexter to give it to him. Dexter grabbed the knife and held it lightly in his palm, and Miguel came over. Dexter passed the knife over to him. Miguel nodded and smiled at him while Dexter felt the twitches of a grin but clenched his mouth shut. Jake looked at them stupified, thinking they were single.

"God, why don't you two just fuck each other and get it over with" Said Jake. Dexter sighed and Miguel crept closer to him and plunged the knife into his chest. The blood began to soak into the wood drip on the floor, and dyed the plastic red. Miguel looked at it, then looked at Dexter. Dexter shook his head.

"Leave it to me"

"Dexter, I just wanted to say...you're awesome" Dexter looked at him cynically. He didn't do this to be seen as some kind of death Idol, a masked avenger proving that two wrongs can birth a right. The dark passenger had an ego, it didn't seek approval, but Dexter secretly did. The compliment may have been corny, but it didn't stop a minute piece of Dexter from being flattered. Could it be possible that he had found someone he could totally be himself with? That he could introduce the dark passenger to? Dexter knew that the dark passenger didn't really like Miguel but Dexter was feeling rebellious. It was liberating for Dexter to look at Miguel and see potential, like Harry had looked at him when he found out. Miguel put his hand up in the air to give Dexter a high five, but their gloved palms met and didn't part. Miguel just stared at Dexter's hand meeting his, and folded his fingers over Dexter's covered metacarpals. That caused Dexter to flex his fingers outright and Miguel to that as a sign to let go. He looked at their first joint victim.

"I can't believe you let me do that" Said Miguel.

"Why? Regret it?" Dexter asked.

"Never"

"You should go" Dexter told him.

"Well not yet, I mean we should set up a date, a time, you know, we've got to meet again, talk about this, search for who's next..."

"This isn't lucky lotto, just go" Said Dexter.

"But Dexter..." Dexter shook his head and Miguel reluctantly left and walked a few blocks away until he called a cab to take him home. Dexter had trusted him to kill. but he still felt that Dexter was holding back from him, both physically and emotionally and despite the progress they had made together he still felt that Dexter was robbing him of something. He got home to the warm open arms of Sylvia. Dexter on the other hand Came home to see Rita on the couch. "Hey" she said.

"You look tired" Said Dexter, using any excuse to get rid of her.

"Yeah I'm going up, come with me?" She asked with a smile. "Just need to wash my hands, busy day" Said Dexter. Rita wanted to ask where he'd been after work, but didn't feel the need to pry just yet. They both went upstairs and Dexter washed his hands in the sink, but couldn't look at himself in the mirror, that is until Harry's reflection stared at him and he turned around.

"Face yourself" Harry told him.

"You know I can't" Dexter said as he dried his hands.

"Only cause you're not sure about Rita, about Miguel"

"One risk isn't failure" Dexter told him.

"It could be if you don't focus" Harry said folding his arms. Dexter didn't like when he did that, it always made him feel like he was Harry's disappointment. But now it could be different, Miguel could be there to break his fall, make him feel... unashamed. How "awesome" would that be?"

"Dexter, don't trust him" Harry warned.

"Like I trusted you?" Dexter asked. Harry faded from his mind and Dexter tried not to slam the door as he left the bathroom, but gently opened his quilt cover and distanced himself from Rita as he fell into a angry state of sleep.


End file.
